


there are lessons to be learned, consequences for all the stupid things I said

by revoleotion



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of Eating Disorders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:28:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29945862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revoleotion/pseuds/revoleotion
Summary: Lucifer and Barbatos finally get into a fight. Things get ugly very fast. (But don't worry, there's multiple hugs at the end.)
Relationships: Barbatos & Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Diavolo/Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	there are lessons to be learned, consequences for all the stupid things I said

**Author's Note:**

> obey me constantly hints at Barbatos judging Lucifer for being so close to his brothers (and MC), so it was only a matter of time for me to write about it. What is obey me, if not a therapy friend simulator, am I right?

Lucifer looks every bit like the fallen angel the failed revolution made him, his eyes deep and intense, his jewel so bright that it might blind anyone who looks at it for too long. His wings are shaking with fury and all the wrath that it took to gave birth to Satan, it’s in his voice too, when he throws his next verbal punch at Barbatos.

“Why don’t you just leave me alone and let me do what I think is right?”

Barbatos takes a step back and allows his freshly painted fingernails to dig deep into his palms. His breath is trembling. He hasn’t felt anger this intense, at least he believes that it is anger.

“No,” he says, quietly, and yet Lucifer flinches upon impact. “No, I can’t let you do that.”

“I understand.” Lucifer laughs and it takes everything for Barbatos not to wince at the sound. It’s like nails on a chalkboard.

“What’s going to happen if I defy you, Barbatos? Will reality collapse? Will you murder me yourself?” Lucifer continues. “Why do you think you’re better than anyone else?”

It’s like something inside Barbatos breaks. He can almost hear it fall apart, slowly at first but then the pieces pierce his heart. It hurts. He didn’t experience this pain in a long time.

“You made a promise,” he says. He might as well say nothing. The wrath on Lucifer’s face grows but when he makes another step towards Barbatos, he doesn’t move. He is right but at what cost?

No, he knows the cost. Peace. The frail charade that is their friendship.

“I also made a promise to my brothers. My family.”

There’s no air left to breathe in the room.

“Lord Diavolo considers you family,” Barbatos forces out. His fists are trembling with the urge to act, to hit Lucifer until he finally _understands._ He’s never hurt a single soul. There are rumors, of course. Lucifer’s brothers love to speculate about how cruel Barbatos is behind closed doors. He doesn’t like to think about it.

“You don’t get to decide for me!”

The sudden volume makes Barbatos tense. Lucifer fingertips glow with power, purple fog surrounds him, ready to strike, ready to attack.

“I made a promise but not to _you_ ,” Lucifer says. “I’m sick of you showing up whenever I am _happy_ for once to remind me of what I promised Diavolo centuries ago when I didn’t think I had a choice!”

Barbatos’ eyes sting. He inhales but his lungs refuse to take in the air. His own power is waiting patiently at his side, time and reality and all the painful knowledge.

“Just because you’re a demon doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want,” he informs Lucifer. He clings onto his words like they’re a lifeline.

“And who’s going to decide what I do? You? You’d love that, wouldn’t you? I can’t believe it took me so long to see how you truly are.” Lucifer spits out his words like they’re venomous. Barbatos can feel the impact, the marks they leave, the way they carve themselves into his memory. He’s never going to forget this.

For the first time in their discussion, for the first time he can remember, he raises his voice.

“What makes you think that Lord Diavolo isn’t on the same side as you are?”

Lucifer recoils from it. He lifts his chin and stares at him until it physically hurts to meet his eyes.

“You did a very good job with that, Barbatos. Aren’t you the one who constantly tells me I have to choose between him and my brothers?” he replies. Like it’s easy. Like it’s obvious. Like it has been his fault all along. Like all Barbatos ever existed for was to be an opposing force to Lucifer. For a second, he believes it.

But it’s not true. It’s not fair. For the first time, Barbatos does not want to be shut up, he does not want to make himself small, he doesn’t want to be locked up, pushed into insignificance, he does not _want to be silent._

“No. No, this is not my fault,” he whispers. “Not this. I did everything I could to protect my –”

He can’t finish his sentence. Something is blocking his throat and when he attempts to breathe through it, he feels something wet on his cheeks. The room blurs. Time is derailing, he can’t breathe, he has never felt this insignificant and this useless and this worthless.

“Stop it, both of you.”

It’s not Lucifer’s voice. Barbatos blinks through what he assumes are tears until he can see who is standing in front of him. He doesn’t need to see to know who it is, he’d recognize Diavolo by the slightest hints. He’d recognize his voice, the pattern his steps make, his scent, his laughter. He isn’t laughing now.

He’s disappointed. And he has every right to be. After all, Diavolo has expressed multiple times that he doesn’t like to see Barbatos and Lucifer fight. They should all have the same goal, there should not be room for fighting.

And yet.

“Barbatos, come on,” another voice says. There’s a hand on his shoulder, it makes Barbatos flinch as though he’s in pain but he relaxes when he recognizes the demon.

Barbatos turns his head. This voice is harder to decipher but he knows it so well. Asmodeus holds out his hand for him to take but Barbatos can’t move. He turns to Diavolo again, who tugs at Lucifer’s arm to force him to move. Maybe it’s for the best to stop this. To break them apart before something even worse happens. 

He should not be hurt that Diavolo went for Lucifer first. He wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s Diavolo’s servant, he’s not supposed to be the one to be comforted by him.

Still.

All Barbatos can do is watch through his blurred vision as his Lord pulls Lucifer out of the room. Asmodeus is talking to him but he can’t make out a single word he’s saying.

Were they ever friends? If so, their friendship is in shambles now. Ruined. But deep down, Barbatos is now sure that Lucifer never wanted to be his friend. He’s always felt trapped by Diavolo. It would break his Lord’s heart to learn this. It breaks Barbatos’ heart as well.

“Do you need a hug?” Asmodeus asks. His voice is still muffled, dull through Barbatos’ pain, but it still reaches him.

He nods.

“Great! I give amazing hugs.”

Asmodeus pulls him in, and he’s right, the hug is comforting, it’s not too tight, but that may be because Asmodeus is so fragile that it feels like he might fall apart any moment. Barbatos doesn’t dare to return the hug. He allows himself to have it, though, and breathe in Asmodeus and the calming words that won’t fully reach his brain. Asmodeus rubs his back and rests his chin on his shoulder. He’s holding him like he might disappear if he let go of him.

Time slows down. Barbatos finds it easier to breathe, to listen, to exist.

“Better?” Asmodeus asks.

“Yes. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, I’ve been meaning to hug you, actually. You’re better at it than most of my brothers but I think Solomon continues to be the most huggable.”

Barbatos makes a step back. Asmodeus considers him, a worried expression on his face that quickly gets replaced with a smile.

“Don’t be jealous! We can practice if you want. You’ll give great hugs in no time, trust me.” Asmodeus’ smile drops and he puts on a serious face that seems a bit more appropriate to Barbatos. He wishes that it weren’t necessary. He wishes he could take the fight out of the air, out of his memory. He will be cursed to live with this forever.

Asmodeus guides him to a place to sit down. The moment Barbatos sinks down on the couch, he notices that his legs have been trembling. It’s like Lucifer dragged him up into the sky and dropped him. He hasn’t hit the ground yet.

“Would you want me to shut up? I can leave you alone once I’m sure you’re going to be alright.” Asmodeus asks.

“No,” Barbatos hears himself say. 

Asmodeus smiles again, the smile that causes hearts to dance in front of him. Barbatos has always wondered if this is an illusion or a curse he uses to his advantage. The Avatar of Lust drops down next to him, with enough space for Barbatos to be comfortable but still close enough to be able to act when something is wrong.

“Alright, I can tell you about the lipstick I bought a few days ago but it really doesn’t match my skin tone and hair at all…”

He calms down, slowly, while Asmodeus talks about his new make-up and his next collection that will be out in a few weeks. All the anger he has felt has vanished and now leaves behind guilt, familiar yet heavier than usual.

“Asmodeus?” he asks. “Do you think I was allowed to be angry at him?”

Asmodeus stops mid-rant about the unfair conditions in the model business and lets out a small chuckle.

“First of all, it’s Lucifer. I’m angry at him about five times a day. That’s how being in a family works. You won’t be able to get rid of us so easily, even if you tried. Most importantly, though…” Asmodeus pauses and looks down on the ground. “You don’t need to have permission to feel something.”

Barbatos isn’t sure why it is that sentence in particular that breaks him. Diavolo has asked him, told him to loosen up multiple times. But he had become so good at pretending that he doesn’t have feelings altogether that any emotion he experiences becomes too much to handle. But there’s no way to deny it: Barbatos was angry. He was hurt. He’s still hurt now. He’s hurt because he doesn’t know if he’s right anymore. If he’s the reason Lucifer thinks he cannot trust Diavolo anymore, how is he supposed to live with that? He couldn’t. He couldn’t live with this.

And yet he has to. This memory will forever be part of him. Lucifer may forget what he accused him of but Barbatos cannot forget.

Asmodeus stays with him until he stops crying. He then drags Barbatos into the kitchen under the pretense of wanting to have breakfast. Maybe it’s not pretense at all. It’s four in the afternoon, it’s possible that Asmodeus didn’t consider eating until now. Barbatos sits on one of the bar stools Diavolo bought a couple of years ago and tells Asmodeus where to find everything. Whenever he attempts to get up and to help him, Asmodeus hisses and orders him to stay put. Barbatos gives up after his third attempt.

It’s nice to watch him. Asmodeus prepares pancakes and finally finishes the story he started earlier. Barbatos listens to his every word, and even though he only understands half of it, he makes a mental note to look up every modeling term he never heard of before in his life.

“Wait,” Asmodeus says when he places a pancake in front of Barbatos. He has made two little eyes with bananas and now tries to strategically squeeze maple syrup onto the pancake to create a smile. In the end, the pancake ends up looking like a pancake with a smudge of maple syrup and two banana slices on top, nothing more, nothing less. Barbatos still appreciates it. He might cry if he hadn’t used up all his tears for the next few centuries.

“I sure hope those don’t taste horrible,” Asmodeus says. “I mean, how bad can they be?”

“I trust your abilities,” Barbatos says. “Unless you learnt cooking from Solomon.”

Asmodeus snorts so hard he almost spits out his pancake.

“No, no, I don’t do this again. One near-death-experience is enough.”

“That is understandable,” Barbatos says as gently as he can. He doesn’t like to talk badly about Solomon, even though Solomon gave him permission to do so.

They eat in silence. Asmodeus seems a little nervous with his food and Barbatos doesn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Besides, he is used to eating by himself.

His thoughts wander to the next confrontation with Lucifer. It will have to happen. It should not be a problem considering how Barbatos usually acts. It’s not going to be a problem because Barbatos is known to be stoic and calm and always smiling. Things will go back to how they always are, Lucifer will do his thing and Barbatos will stand by and smile. Except that this time it will feel different, at least to Barbatos.

He has no idea how he’s supposed to look Lucifer into the eyes again. Or Diavolo. Knowing that he’s the one who broke everything in his attempts to prevent just that. Such a classic tale. Destiny has a way of getting what it wants, even from a demon who can pick and choose what’s real and what’s not.

“I wouldn’t worry so much if I were you,” Asmodeus says once he has finished his pancake. Barbatos looks up, ready to reply but something tells him Asmodeus isn’t finished yet.

“You know how Lucifer is. He says things he doesn’t mean because his pride is hurt. That’s just how he is.”

“He meant this,” Barbatos says. “And he was right.”

Asmodeus tilts his head.

“I doubt it. And even if he were right, that doesn’t mean he can make you cry like that. Sometimes… Sometimes he says things because he thinks it will help. Tough love, you know? But he forgets that he’s talking to an actual person, well, demon. With feelings. It’s not about what he said, it’s about the fact that he hurt you.”

“I hurt him more,” Barbatos says under his breath. “I ruined everything.”

Asmodeus looks like he wants to disagree but he just shakes his head and smiles sadly.

They don’t talk much after this. Asmodeus leaves in the evening, he doesn’t want to miss dinner with his brothers and the human. He promises to be available when Barbatos wants to text him but they both know that Barbatos will most likely not do this.

He falls back into his routine, making sure that the vegetable garden is doing alright, cooking dinner for Lord Diavolo. Once dinner is finished, he texts his Lord and asks if he’s going to be back in time.

Diavolo texts him, **we’ll be back soon.**

Barbatos wonders if he’s supposed to be nervous. He makes sure that there’s enough dinner for Lucifer as well. He always does, most of the time he doesn’t even realize. Lucifer has grown to be part of them, part of their family. Not just to Diavolo. 

He texts Diavolo, **dinner is ready in the kitchen, my lord.**

Diavolo enters the kitchen first, his familiar steps and the way he carries himself as calming as they are terrifying right now. Lucifer follows half a step behind him. If Barbatos didn’t know better, he’d say that the Avatar of Pride is nervous.

“I apologize,” Barbatos says before any of the others can do as much as breathing. And if he manipulates time to get the apology in first, nobody can prove that. Diavolo looks like he knows.

Lucifer opens his mouth but for the first time in his life, Barbatos ignores this and just speaks over someone.

“I pressured you. I made you feel like you were forced to be loyal to the Young Master. I made you feel like you had to disappoint your brothers and the human in order to prove your loyalty. I am so sorry and I don’t know how to ever make up for this. I can’t… maybe I can never make up for it.”

Lord Diavolo makes a little distressed noise that doesn’t make sense until Barbatos notices that his entire body is trembling again. The guilt is almost too much to handle. It feels like it’s going to kill him.

“You are an idiot,” Lucifer replies after what feels like an eternity, even for someone who has lived several lifetimes. He makes a step towards Barbatos but Diavolo holds him back.

“I want to _hug_ him,” Lucifer complains. “Is that okay?”

Diavolo looks at Barbatos, as though to make sure he is okay with this.

Barbatos nods.

Lucifer’s hug is intense enough to crush his ribcage. Barbatos hugs him back on instinct, a lot more careful than Lucifer cares to be, or maybe this is how he shows affection. He looks over the demon’s shoulder and meets Diavolo’s eyes. His face is uncharacteristically serious but his eyes are bright and amused. Barbatos keeps looking at him for a few seconds, then he buries his face in Lucifer’s shoulder and closes his eyes. He allows himself to exist, to simply be there without all the responsibility on his shoulders.

“All this time I thought you didn’t have any feelings,” Lucifer says quietly. This is just for Barbatos to hear. “I’m sorry too.”

“Group hug?” Diavolo suggests.

“I’d like that,” Barbatos says, face still pressed into Lucifer’s shoulder.

If Lucifer’s hug crushed his ribs, a hug from Diavolo breaks the rest of his bones. He doesn’t mind.

“I hate to see you mad at each other. Especially because you’re so similar,” Diavolo says once they’re all untangled again. Barbatos brushes some dust from his clothes to avoid looking him in the eyes. It’s his way of disagreeing with him.

Lucifer feels less bad to disagree with Diavolo, apparently, because he scoffs.

“No, we’re not,” he says.

“You are,” Diavolo insists. “You would do everything for your brothers, Lucifer. And you…” His golden eyes land on Barbatos who does his best to meet them. “You take the blame for every stupid mistake I make.”

“You don’t –” Barbatos starts.

Diavolo raises an eyebrow.

“What about the time I made you stop time to scare the brothers on New Year?”

“That was…”

“What about that time I cursed the brothers’ phones and trapped Lucifer inside one to limit their screen time?”

“I… perhaps…”

“What about the time the world almost ended because I didn’t give Lucifer one piece of information out of fear that he wouldn’t love me anymore?”

“Excuse me?” Lucifer asks.

Barbatos closes his eyes.

“And what about the time…” Diavolo starts again.

“Alright! Sometimes you do things that are less… wise from my point of view.”

“It was goddamn stupid,” Lucifer mutters.

“It was…”

“Say it,” Diavolo orders him. He’s smiling. Things feel okay again, although very unfamiliar at the same time. Once again, he is reminded that is his favorite reality, his favorite life to ever live.

“Maybe I would have done things differently but – hear me out!” Barbatos says when Diavolo starts laughing. “That is my duty. I like it.”

“You like it,” Lucifer repeats, with a tone to his voice that Barbatos can’t place at first. He opens his eyes again. Lucifer is regarding him with a curious expression.

“I do,” he says. “It’s an honor to serve the Young Master like that. I would never want to have it any other way. I chose this.”

“Well, we’re happy to have you, aren’t we?” Diavolo asks. He doesn’t hit Lucifer with his elbow but he might as well do it. The Avatar of Pride rolls his eyes.

What he ends up saying is, “Did anyone ever tell you that you smell really nice?”

Barbatos lifts his arm to smell his clothing. It takes him a few seconds to place the scent, since it is definitely not the soap he uses.

“That must be Asmodeus’ perfume rubbing off on me, I’m afraid,” he says. “Maybe you should redirect that compliment at him.”

Lucifer looks like he’d rather not do that. He takes a deep breath, his eyes on Barbatos again. It’s so different than during their fight. It might as well be another person altogether.

“Barbatos. Can you forgive me?”

Barbatos smiles a smile he has smiled a million time but it never felt genuine until now. He doesn’t consider himself to be cruel and it makes him sad when others think this of him.

But he allows himself to make an exception now.

“I’ll think about it,” he says calmly.

Diavolo is the first one to laugh, a sound that Barbatos could never live without. He almost falls to his knees because he’s laughing too hard for his legs to carry him.

Barbatos has the feeling that everything is going to be okay.


End file.
